Day After Valentine's Day

Early morning ...

Later morning ...

I didn't get hearts and flowers but I did get an explanation I can live with

and a sweet proclamation of love.

Happy Valentine's Day

Inward Contemplation

I think I finally understand the concept of looking to oneself when out of sorts with others.

Rarely is it that others have actually done something to me or behaved badly towards me.

Usually it's my own negative reaction that has all to do with the baggage I carry around.

Or, if it is actually something, then I should do something about it, right?

Ask a question, get an answer.

Sigh.  So much to think about.  So much work to do.

Peeling away the layers ...

Today is My Birthday

Bacchus, Carvaggio c. 1595

Happy Birthday to me.

It's been a wonderful day.

What I Learned Last Weekend

My childhood friend, who is just one month older than I and who also happens to be my niece, died on Christmas morning after knowing for just 8 weeks that she had cancer.

This past Friday much of her cremated remains were buried in her adopted and most beloved city of Palo Alto. My sisters and I were there as were other family members and close friends.

The 'service', if you will, was relaxed, filled with humor, verse and song, with people sharing their truth about Janice. It made me cry. She was a much loved and revered person and the words that others spoke about her, with such love and admiration, touched me deeply.

I couldn't share my truth.  My truth is so conflicted that I hardly know what to think. My truth is wrapped up in childhood delights of shared adventures, innocent and wonderful; other adventures that got us into trouble and to me were troubling. We both loved the outdoors, horses, nature, singing. Then she became a teenager and I didn't know what to think.

She matured faster than I, city girl that she was, and, as we grew older, shocked me into speechlessness at times with her worldly ways. At least I thought they were worldly. And as we grew older yet, even though I loved her dearly, we grew apart.

We sent birthday cards to each other, visited at family gatherings, talked a bit, but my life of raising children was so different from hers in her chosen field in academia that we didn't keep in touch in between.

In the last few years the birthday cards became E-cards and resulted in email exchanges, sharing parts of our lives with each other which brought us a tiny bit closer together but not close enough. Not close enough.

Now that her life is over, I am filled with regret that I didn't keep her close to me, know her better, admire her for the person whom so many others took such great delight in and received loving support from, even if she was so different from me.

This is what I learned last weekend:  Don't let your family and friends drift away. If you don't see eye to eye on some things, find the things that you can agree on - even if it's by virtue of being related - and let the rest go.

In the long run, differences don't matter. Keeping the bond of love strong does.  

Serenity or Road Rage?

A great deal of peace and contentment may be had by practicing these simple principals:

Know what you can change.

Know what you cannot.

You really cannot change another person, be it their thoughts, actions, words, deeds, or driving skills (unless they are your own children, and even then . . .)

What you CAN change is yourself:  How you perceive others, how you react to their reactions, how you treat them; how you present yourself to the world. In your car.

I used to revel in the fact that I could hurl, at what I considered to be stupid drivers, every epithet known to humankind while safely behind the wheel of my car; windows rolled up.  I felt smug that I could let fly with all manner of foul language and no one would be the wiser.

No one but myself. And my heart rate. And my blood pressure.  Eventually I would be enraged at not only every driver on the road, but simply enraged.  And then others would know.

This does not make for peace and contentment, people.

Not being able to keep stupid drivers off the road is not something I'm likely to change.

My attitudes/actions? Now those I can deal with:

Quit yelling.

If others absolutely HAVE to go first, let them.

Give stupid drivers plenty of space - in which to be stupid and not affect you or your car.

Be kind, show some sympathy: That other person may have just received their driver's license; may be in unfamiliar territory; may have never driven in a round-about before; may not know the rules of the road as well as you, but who does?

Quit calling stupid drivers stupid.  It doesn't help.

Leave the house, work, wherever, in plenty of time to get where you want to go.

Aaahhh.  Life just got a teeny bit more peaceful.

Kindness - Part 1

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.” 
― Plato

I have a knee-jerk reaction when people are not nice to me, or are what I perceive 
to be not nice to me.  "Not nice" can mean many things:  anger, impatience, curtness, derision, sarcasm, boredom,  ...

My tendency is to respond in kind. And even if I keep the emotion under wraps, it can ruin my day.

A ruined day because of someone else's stuff?

Well, I've been working on this.  It's not easy but sometimes I'm able to break through and not react negatively.

The thing I try remember is that others have their own shit to deal with and sometimes they throw it at whomever is standing in front of them (both literally and through, say, social media.)

Duck.  Be nice.  Walk away.  Carry a hankie.

More on this later . . .